There are few thing more unpleasant to deal with than unclogging a toilet. Over the years I have heard those famous and dreaded words several times, “Dad, the toilet is clogged, again”. I am not sure who decided it was Dad’s problem when the toilet clogged but I would like a re-count.

Thankfully, most of the time the remedy is quick and the problem is literally flushed away in a few moments. Sometimes, however, the problem is more serious, messy and in need of professional assistance.

The last time this happened, while I was correcting the clog, it occurred to me that this is exactly what happens in teams of people where emotional maturity is lacking in one or more of the team members.

Emotional immaturity creates situations where things that should be flushed away quickly hang around and clog up other normal interactions and operations. And, like a clogged toilet, if they hang around too long things get ugly and very unpleasant fast. And everyone notices.

I have found that in order to best deal with these situations you have to act quickly as a manager or leader. The longer the situations are left hanging in the air the more team chemistry can be damaged.

So what can you do about an emotionally immature situation?

I have found that a quick, low key dialog as close to the point of the issue or incident is best. Think Ken Blanchard’s One Minute Manager. Try to be calm and focused, directly pointing out the observed issue, and desired action. Before you engage with the person, mentally rehearse what and how you need to say and try to anticipate their responses. If I am calm and low key in my approach I have found that the employee or colleague is more receptive. In most cases employees respond well and the issue is ‘flushed away’ and things are better. Most employees want to improve and when presented with actionable opportunities they will work to improve.

But what do you do when emotional issues  don’t change?

Some people lack the emotional maturity to handle basic relational situations like clear, open or honest communication, confrontation, conflict, compromise, or forgiveness. In other words, they missed the day in Kindergarten when getting along with others was taught. Others  remain emotionally opaque and can’t have meaningful relationships while some are just plain mean, devious and vengeful. These are the kind of people that can really ‘clog up’ your team and company.

In cases where someone is in that situation they have to learn and choose to make different choices, let go of anger, forgive, adapt, grow and become more open. It’s not easy. That person has to have a recognition that there is a problem and a willingness to make changes. Some folks can do that, others choose not to. And here, sometimes a professional is needed.

It’s not me it’s YOU

At one point in my career, there was a team member who basically operated with the attitude that if you ever did them wrong (actual or perceived) you were written off and nothing would change that. That person chose to remain full of anger and resentment toward their perceived injustices which led to deep seated bitterness. Their actions and attitudes created a negative atmosphere and affected team productivity and cohesion. Coaching, closed door meetings or pleadings could not change their anger or resentment toward the situation or the other team members.  And, in that case, it only got better when that person was no longer with the company. In this case, I was a victim of the sunk cost fallacy. I had already invested a lot of time and effort in trying to improve the situation so I didn’t take the necessary action when I should have. The delay hurt the team, the individual involved and me.

Necessary Changes

As a manager or leader in this situation you have to decide how critical the issue is, how disruptive it is to the team and how that on-going situation affects the department or company. You have to decide if the contribution of that employee is worth the disruption. Most of the time it is not. When your threshold is crossed and other forms of redress with the employee have not worked, you have to act in removing that troubling employee, either by re-assignment, moving to another department or division or firing them altogether. Dr. Henry Cloud, in his book “Necessary Endings” lays out clear guidelines and methods for these situations. I highly recommend it.

On a team that is operating at a high level, one bad apple can affect the whole lot. It is better to deal with issues while they are still small than to wait until the mess is really bad and stinky later.

Now, where is that plunger????